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Life Goes On

Ob La Di, Ob La Da
Life Does Go On

The songs of the Beatles have been such a soundtrack for my life since the early high school years it seems fitting to borrow a thought from that repertoire for the title to the extension of my last segment. 

Life is going on in spite of my coming out. It has been only a few months since launching this study of my ecstasy yet it seems as though much more time has elapsed. There have been more than a few revelations and I have received numerous responses from deeply closeted sisters encouraged by my exposeí. These connections to my likeminded sisters are rewarding beyond explanation. I was there and now, with the assistance and encouragement of my friends and family, I am here.

At my last entry my younger daughter was away at college and although I had wanted to tell her, I had decided to hold back. Well, so much for decisions made with caution in mind. How was it going to work out when our basement had been converted into the madameís dressing room with racks of clothes and racks of size 11 pumps? It was simply not possible to disguise the accumulation. No way! Beside the physical improbability of hiding the facts of life, the familial connection would be lost. I decided that, since I would be traveling to her college apartment to help her move back home, it would be a good time to have a little one on one about my alternate lifestyle choice.
As appropriate as it seemed, it was Motherís Day weekend when I headed down in my Bronco to help her load out for the summer. On the way down I made a detour, as I often will do, to check out the possibilities of catching a deal or two at my favorite local outlet store (Nordstromís Rack) which happened to be sponsoring a Motherís Day Extravaganza featuring larger size shoes. I found two pair that I just had to have in my collection and while waiting for the clerk to find the matching shoes for the single shoe on the display I noticed a large entry box for a lottery drawing. The prize was $250.00 worth of shoes. I entered myself twice, my wife and each of my daughters. I completed my purchase and continued my journey to meet my daughter. 
Shortly after arriving at my destination I called my wife to let her know I had arrived safely and she mentioned that she had received a strange call from Nordstromís that I had won $250.00 worth of shoes. Now if that isnít an omen, I donít know what is! In my life I havenít had a habit of winning at lottery drawings. It was a dream come true!!
The return trip was uneventful, except for finding a wonderful pit barbeque place in Madison, Va. where I picked up a couple of pounds of pulled pork and some of the best hush puppies ever made for the evening meal with the family once I got home. Thatís part of the whole nurturing paradigm, the hunter gatherer instinct. Oh, my daughter had not yet been told, due to the "last night at school with friends" activities and the hectic packing and loading. We were going to be returning separately and I thought it best to delay the discussion until we returned home and had a quiet moment. On the day after my return I invited my wife to share the fun and go select shoes with me. We selected 3 pair for her, Erica selected 4 pair and the man of the house got 1 pair. Your dollars do go the distance at this store, believe me, I have purchased the bulk of my wardrobe from there, but I digress; back to the progressive text of my full disclosure. My daughter and I ended up having a random light lunch together on Wednesday and I began the discussion as I had with my eldest daughter.
Basically, explaining to her that although she was aware that I was connected to my feminine side, she probably didnít realize to what extent. At first there was a certain disbelief and noticeable fixed attention, but having just completed a course in human sexuality, in the end she was more understanding of the whole aspect of diverse sexual and gender conflict and accepted the premise that things could be much worse. I assured her they were not. I invited her to select the last pair of shoes on the credit voucher. Of course the last few dollars remaining on the voucher wouldnít buy a pair, but we could add to it. She wanted to go, so the next day we traveled to The Rack. We perused the entire section in her size and considered several options, some practical and conservative and some not so, she couldnít settle on one pair in particular and decided she would rather have a skirt that would extend her limited work wardrobe.
Given that my credit was for shoes, she helped Erica select a nice pair of strappy red satin platforms with rhinestone inset detail. Her selection is featured in the photo to the right. This girl has always had a great sense of style. Iíve been shopping with her a couple of times since looking for clothes for her summer employment and it has been great fun.
Now my world is complete. All of the people I care about, those at the core of my being are fully informed of my crossdressing. Other friends of longstanding are being informed as the time and circumstances present themselves. It is important to me that they hear it from me first, who they may tell is in their purview, but these are the people I want to entrust with the information, they speak for me. Who knows what the sum total of all of this honesty might be, itís of little consequence in the great scheme of things. All I know is that the burden is no longer weighting me down and I am more liberated at the passing of each day. Who cares? How does this make the world a better place? Of what use is it? All good questions, I suppose. The answer is a parable. A walk around the world starts with a first step. If my revelations and experiences can help just one of my closeted sisters to reclaim her life and live it to the fullest, then it has been worth everything and then some.
Over the past months I have met friends of the heart whom I shall hold close when troubles arise as I know they will do the same. These ties are destined to survive the test of time as they have been forged in the same silence. We have all been in the closet and many remain there still, some have come out to the revulsion of their loved ones, others quite the opposite. Many worry, for good cause, that their livelihood could be destroyed should employers be informed. The awkwardness of societal interaction keep some at home and segregated from the joys of convivial human contact, others are totally liberated and carry the torch for the whole community, I still lie somewhere in between having limited my forays to the occasional evening out and this effort. There is much work to be done and your understanding and involvement in the process is gratifying and truly appreciated.
Thanks for reading these pages and opening your mind to my thoughts and words.

Your friend,
Erica

 

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